Trials & Tribulations
by EmYo95
Summary: This is what i think should have happened in the Hunger Games series starting right at the end of the first book. It contains suspense, drama, action, romance and much more! It is rated M for a reason, so be warned. (This story has been written once before but I was half way through it when I took it down and started to rewrite it, it's longer and more detailed).
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Hey all! This is the new version of Trials and Tribulations! I was about half way through my old story and I realized I just wasn't happy with it anymore. I thank you for being awesome readers and reading the old version, but I think this one is going to be better! It's taking me a lot longer to write it, but the chapters are about twice as long and I'm putting my heart and soul into this. I really hope you all enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: if you read anything in this story that was in the original books, that belongs to Susanne Collins, but I did happen to put my own ideas in here, so please don't steal them._

_REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!_

-X-

Her long fingers clutched the arms of the chair. The satin cushion underneath her was comfortable, but that was the only comfort she felt. Peeta's eyes looked straight ahead as he avoided her gaze. She sneaked a peek at his face through the corner of her eye; he was tense and angry. Very angry. She could see the confliction in his eyes. She knew what he was thinking. He wanted to hate her, but he couldn't, which made it even harder on her. She wanted him to hate her, he should hate her, but he couldn't, and it killed them both.

Peeta's voice was clear and void of all emotion as he kept looking ahead of him. He didn't say her name which kept the conversation very impersonal. "I will act for the cameras, because that's what will keep us alive, but I will not act in front of my family and neither should you."

"Peeta," it came out as more of a haggard whisper than a response, but his face didn't change to the plea. He sat still in the chair beside her staring at the wall. When she spoke his name his hand became a fist then loosened so quickly she almost didn't see it. She kept her eyes on his face for a minute, but all hope was soon drained from her being and she began to feel cold again. She sucked in a deep breath and looked out the window beside her. She watched the rushing scenery go by.

She thought of how excited Prim would be to see her. She thought about how her mother might be emotionally present for both of them. She thought of Gale and how he'd help her adjust back to a normal life, but that was the problem, she could never go back to normal. Every time she thought of something she missed or was excited to see back in 12, Peeta popped back into her mind. She was tempted several times to look over at him; she couldn't get herself to do it. She couldn't face the fact that she was the one that made his smile fade, made his eyes lose their luster, and made his heart break. She couldn't bear to remember the moment she told him it was an act and that what she felt for him in the games wasn't real. He saved her from starving to death and she saved him in the games. She broke his heart, and he was beginning to break her.

Katniss and Peeta both turned their heads towards the door of the cabin as it opened unexpectedly. Haymitch strode confidently through the door with a smirk plastered on his face. He was cleanly shaven with a pristine suit on without one wrinkle; a deed only Effie could have accomplished.

"Five minutes till show time," with each word his smirk lost its luster, "get ready and meet me at the door."

Once Haymitch left, the cabin was once again filled with an uncomfortable silence. After a minute of sitting awkwardly at each other's side, Peeta stood slowly, with a little wobble on his prosthetic leg; however, once he was on his feet he was as confident as ever. He pulled his jacket forward and smoothed it out and gave his forest green silk tie a tug. He stepped to the side, looked at Katniss and gestured for her to go before him.

"After you," he said politely.

Her heart dropped to her stomach and it broke a little more. She was certain he wasn't causing her pain on purpose, but it would have been much easier to handle if he was. She rose slowly and looked into his eyes and they were their normal blue color, but lacked the normal shine to them, their normal brightness. The anger on his face was gone, but she knew that was only for the cameras. His fair skin was still a little pink, but he was looking more himself. Her gaze dropped to the ground; suddenly embarrassed of the long gawk into his eyes. She saw the metal shine of his new leg. His pant leg was caught in one of the hinges, making the cloth a little too short. His eyes followed hers and he quickly pulled the cloth out of the hinge, then he stood straight and confident again.

"Thank you," she said in a soft voice that was barely audible.

"For what?" his eyes flickered to hers, but then he looked past her and out the window, he was still too hurt and embarrassed to look her in the face. He was a fool that had fallen too hard and trusted too much; a naïve child that believed in a happy ever after.

"For saving me," she clarified in a slightly irritated voice.

"Well," he said simply. His eyes returned to hers and she saw a little bit of fire in him, a spark of anger was back. "Looks like you owe me again, since you're so intent on repaying everyone for every little favor or nice gesture."

The words stung her like a bee and she pushed past him. Just as she made it past his body she felt his thick fingers wrap tightly around her elbow. He held her in place, but she did not fight his grip. She didn't look back at him, but she tilted her head so he knew she was paying attention.

"Katniss," he sighed. "I'm sorry, that was rude. You don't owe me anything."

She turned her head to look back at his face. His expression was softer and friendlier. If she didn't know him so well she would have figured everything was fine, but she could see the underlying anger. She could see the hurt in his sky blue eyes.

"You don't understand, do you Peeta?" she asked in a whisper. She touched her palm to his cheek as if the contact could mend the damage; then pulled it away before he could react. "I owe you everything."

She pulled her elbow out of his grasp and walked towards the door.

-X-

"One minute," Haymitch said.

The small smirk on his face was still there. Just enough for the crowd to think he was pleased, that he was proud, but the three of them knew just how dangerous of a situation they were in. Katniss jumped a little when she felt Peeta's hand grab hers and her head snapped to the side to look at him.

"We're stopping," Peeta said with a fake smile and fake warmth.

The smile was to convince Haymitch, even though he wasn't paying any attention to either of them. He was busy staring out the window and into the area of District 12. As the train approached the station; it slowed. The whole district was waiting for Katniss and Peeta to return. Not only was this victory huge for District 12, because they had a winner, but it was historical because there were two winners and they happened to be in love.

Katniss could feel the pressure and fear fall onto her shoulders, and she was happy to have Peeta's warm and steady hand wrapped around hers even if he didn't like it. She looked at Peeta once last time before the doors opened and he was prepared; he had a big and almost genuine smile on his face.

-X-

The people were loud. The whole district was gathered around the train station. They were all yelling and cheering. She heard her name being called many times. She heard Peeta's being called many times, too. The whole thing frightened her. She hated being on display for everyone to look at, especially when they didn't know anything about her. She felt like a trophy; all shiny and pristine for everyone to smile at, but the reasons and the work it took to win was forgotten.

The mass of bodies was crowding around the front of the train station. Their faces melded together because there were so many of them. The familiar smell of home was overwhelming; the mix of the thick green forest with burnt out fire. She closed her eyes for a brief second and breathed in the scent of 12 and let the familiarity of it calm her down. The thin layer of ash that covered everyone and everything was still there. The sweltering heat of summer was dying down a little as it approached fall, but there was still a sweat about to break out on her forehead.

Haymitch was the first to step out. The confident smirk on his face was still intact when he turned to the side and held out an arm, gesturing for the victors to exit the train. Peeta took a steady step, with his hand still gripping Katniss' tightly. He turned to look at her when she didn't move. Her eyes were wide and her breath was rapid and choppy. Peeta placed his other hand on the opposite side of her waist and leaned into whisper something into her ear, but looked like he was giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"I'll talk, just relax." His lips brushed against her ear and goose bumps were raised all over her olive-toned skin.

She nodded so slightly only he could tell, then she plastered a fake smile on her face and followed Peeta's lead. They took synchronized steps out onto the platform in front of the train and in front of all the people. The grip Peeta had on her hand tightened a little.

"People of District Twelve," Peeta said with ease and confidence, "we're happy to be back."

With matching smiles on their faces they raised their joined hands and the crowd exploded in a thunderous applause. Cheering, yelling and even some screaming occurred. People were crying. Katniss looked around her and saw Prim sitting on Gale's shoulders, and the world felt right for once since the reaping.

-X-

The trio began to make their decent off of the platform, down the concrete stairs. There were cracks in the concrete and it looked a dark gray color because of all the ash. Haymitch walked first with Katniss in the middle and Peeta walking right behind her, holding her hand while waving to people with his free one. At the bottom of the stairs four Peacekeepers waited for them, they would escort them home while creating a protective box around them.

The box was small, because the crowd didn't make room. Katniss' front was squished to Haymitch's back and her back was pressed tightly against Peeta's front. Each Peacekeeper's flank was either brushing against Haymitch's side or Peeta's.

The screaming only became louder when they walked through the crowd. The people right on the other side of the Peacekeepers were tossing flowers and attempting to touch the new victors. People were shouting their names and screaming their admiration for the dual winners. With all the people around it was ten degrees warmer and sweat was dripping off of everyone. The smell of sweat and heated skin was overwhelming and beginning to give Katniss a headache.

Someone reached out to touch her dress and she snapped her head to the side to barely catch a glimpse of a little girl, no older than five dressed in rotting rags. Her heart snapped. The little girl looked like her in her younger years; long dark wavy hair with gray eyes and dressed in scraps. She looked down at her silk dress and became disgusted. She never wanted this life; she would give anything to go back.

They finally pushed through the edge of the crowd as they made their way back to their soon to be old homes. Peeta was the first to make it back since he lived in the town. His brothers came bounding at full speed off of the creaking wooden porch and flung themselves at their baby brother.

For the first time since the reaping Peeta was smiling and laughing genuinely.

Katniss watched as his eldest brother, Connor picked him up and squeezed him. Then Caleb, the middle brother, put Peeta in a headlock and started to rub his head with his fist. Peeta was pushing away from both of them, but the look of pure unadulterated joy was beaming on his face. His father stood on the porch smiling with his arm around his wife, who was glaring at Katniss.

No one knew about Peeta's prosthetic leg, but as soon as Connor picked Peeta up again; Peeta's pant leg rose a little and exposed the shiny chrome metal. The family stopped their laughter and smiles. The reality set in. Peeta shrugged it off, but Mr. Mellark called everyone inside the house. Katniss started to walk away, towards the Seam, but she turned to give the Mellark family one last glance, but all she saw was an evil glare from Mrs. Mellark.

Katniss gave Peeta's mom a polite nod, but all she did was spit on the ground in front of her.

"Rude," Haymitch muttered.

Katniss turned on the balls of her feet and began to walk.

She started to out walk the Peacekeepers and Haymitch. She was furious. She was livid with Mrs. Mellark. Katniss had risked her life for Peeta and saved him with the medicine that he was too weak to get himself. She kept him alive and he paid a small price, but Mrs. Mellark didn't see it that way.

Rapidly the road changed to dust and Katniss began to pound her feet. Ash from coal was rising around her ankles and getting stuck to her calves and to the hem of her dress. She looked down at herself. She was wearing new black flats with a forest green silk baby doll dress and a black cardigan. Portia and Cinna made sure that the couple matched all the time now.

She examined the dress further and thought about how the money that it took to buy this dress was enough to feed a family for a year in 12, and the thought made her even more furious. That little girl who touched her could have been fed with the money it took to make this. She kicked the flats off her feet, sending them soaring into the air and landing in a spot she didn't notice.

"Effie would have a fit if she saw you," Haymitch said blankly with his normal expression. He was standing a few yards behind her.

Katniss whirled around on her heels, the gravel on the roads cutting open the skin on her heels. She could feel the warm liquid swelling, the dirt stinging as it made contact with her open wounds. She hadn't felt so alive in a long time.

"Good thing Effie isn't here," Katniss snapped through her teeth.

She was tired of being on her best behavior all the time because people were watching. She hadn't felt this many emotions swell up inside her since her dad died and her mother mentally checked out. Anger was consuming her and she felt like she could fall to her knees and scream.

Haymitch dismissed the Peacekeepers with the back of his hand as he stepped towards Katniss. His hands were extended and found their home on her shoulders. His blue green eyes looked into hers. Katniss saw wisdom in his eyes, a trait she knew he already had.

"Listen to me," Haymitch said softly. "I know what it feels like. You're just so angry that you want to scream and break everything, right?"

Katniss nodded, the fury inside her was making it hard for her to form sentences.

"You can't," he said simply and she groaned. "As much as you want to, you can't. You are hope to these people. If they see you break, they'll lose it. It isn't just about you anymore. It's about the district. Protect Twelve."

Katniss looked up from the ground. "I'm just so tired of behaving and looking a certain way all the time. I'm tired of being a role model and a celebrity; I just want to go back to how things were."

"I know," Haymitch replied as he kept walking towards the seam, leaving Katniss behind him. "But that will never happen."

-X-

"Katniss!" a high pitched, yet softly spoken voice, rang out.

Her feet sped up and she recognized to voice to be Prim's. Katniss bounded around the corner of the street and pulled Prim up into her arms. She hugged her little sister to her chest tighter than ever before. She wasn't going to leave Prim again, not for anything. Prim was safe in her arms and she was determined to keep her sister safe.

"Prim," she sighed into her little sister's hair. "I missed you so much."

Prim smiled at Katniss and wrapped her arms around Katniss' neck; keeping a tight hold on her. Katniss turned in a tight circle causing Prim to sequel out loud with joy and giddiness. Katniss laughed along with her sister and the dread was momentarily gone.

"Mom was here," Prim said with a big goofy grin.

"What?" Katniss asked.

"Remember you told mom, before you left, that she had to stay. That she had to be there for me? Well she was here, the whole time," Prim said through her giant smile.

Relief flooded Katniss' body. Relief of knowing that her sister was taken care of and that if she hadn't made it home Prim would still be well attended to.

"I'm glad," Katniss said with a smile as she put Prim on the ground.

Her mother stepped out of their little home. Katniss was only able to stare. Her mother looked so good. She was clean, she was smiling and ten years seemed to be lifted off of her and she looked like her old self again. Her smile was bright along with her blue eyes, which reminded Katniss of Peeta.

"Darling," her mother breathed out in a hush as she took quick steps towards Katniss.

Katniss was pulled into an embrace from her mother, something she wasn't used to. It felt familiar and like old times, so she sunk into her mother's arms and allowed herself to be comforted. Only her mother could truly understand what she was going through, in her family. Prim understood, but she didn't grasp it quite like someone over thirty did.

Katniss inhaled the scent of her mother which brought back memories of her childhood. Her scent was like coal with a little bit of lavender; her mother's favorite flower. Her dad would pick them for her all the time on his way back from work; it always brought a smile to all the girl's faces.

"I'm so sorry," her mother whispered into her ears.

Katniss was pulled out of her scent and memory and back into reality. She opened her eyes and pulled away from her mother to look her in the eyes. "Thanks mom," she said softly "You're the first to say that."

Her mother brought her hand to Katniss' forehead and pushed back a strand of hair and tucked it behind her ear. Her mother's hand traveled down her face and rested on her cheek and on her jaw. Her mom was studying her face for a moment before she spoke again.

"If it's any consolation at all, you're going to save Prim and myself. Your victory money will keep us alive forever with anything we could possibly need." Her mother's smile was weak; they both knew it was a small reward for such a large price.

"That helps," she said, the thought may not make the nightmares go away, but at least some stress was lifted off of her.

"And," her mother continued, "I didn't let Prim watch hardly any of the Games, didn't want her seeing you… like…"

"Yeah," Katniss interrupted before her mother could finish that awful thought, "Thanks."

Her mother's hand found hers and she laced their fingers together. She started to take a few steps towards the house, but Katniss looked behind her and saw that Haymitch was watching the whole thing. She opened her mouth to say something, but Haymitch just smiled and turned around and walked towards the Victor's Village.

-X-

It was easy to tell that Prim was excited to see Katniss, but the topic of conversation was a tricky one. No one wanted to talk about what Katniss had just been through, and she didn't want to talk about it either. Listening to Prim talk about school and Lady was easier than talking about the Games.

"Why don't you get some fresh air outside?" her mother suggested after about twenty minutes of Prim babbling on about school.

Katniss nodded and pulled her cardigan tightly across her body. She took long but deliberate steps, already deep in thought, as she made her way out of the house. Once outside she didn't stop walking until she made it to the edge of the dying grass. Her house was a quarter of a mile away, and she liked the time to herself; time to think.

The first thought that came to mind was Cato and the final battle at cornucopia. The memory crashed through her body like an electric current. As much as she tried to fight it, her veins were alive with the adrenaline it brought back.

Katniss saw Cato's face as he ran towards her and held her down against the metal, willing to kill her. She remembered the feel of his bulging muscles in his forearm cutting off her air supply. The feeling of dying was coming back to her, the way her brain felt like it was turning off and the minimal fight she still had in her. Her vision just went black when she felt the flooding of air in her lungs, and she knew Peeta had saved her, once again. She threw her tired body onto her feet and pulled out her bow and arrow, but it was too late. Cato was about to kill Peeta, and there was nothing she could do.

The devastation that she felt in that moment was pulling so deeply on her she fell to her knees in the grass. She raked her fingers through her hair, letting her nails break some of the skin on her scalp. The memory wouldn't leave her; none of them let her be.

She let a soft whimper escape her lips as the image of Cato about to break Peeta's neck flashed across her eyes. She picked up a rock and threw it out into nowhere. She had no logical reason to do it, but the feeling of her arm stretching and her shoulder rotating was easier to handle than the ache in her heart for Peeta.

She picked up another rock and threw it with all her might. She picked up a slightly bigger rock and threw it, letting a tiny sound of exertion leave her lips every time. As she picked up the third rock; tears began to slip down her face. Silent, furious, searing hot tears. Tears because of Rue, tears because of what she had to do, tears because she had to leave Prim in Gale's full arms and tears for Peeta. She knew she must look hysterical; throwing rocks and crying like a madwoman, but she didn't care. The physical feelings were easier to deal with than the emotional ones.

"Catnip?"

She heard a soft voice behind her and dropped her half pound rock and spun on her heels. Gale stood about three meters away from her with a raised brow. She tried to retract the tears but they wouldn't stop and she was full of shame. She was supposed to be strong, even in front of Gale. She wasn't weak and she didn't want him to look at her differently, she was counting on him being the only person to look at her as the same old girl she was before the reaping.

"You okay?" he asked as he took one step closer to her.

Her hair was now a mess. Her makeup was running and smudged and her dress was dirty and ripped. A dry swallow burned her throat as the memory kept flashing in the back of her mind.

"They won't leave me," she whispered, unable to contain the thought.

"Who?" Gale asked, taking another step forward.

"The memories," she said in a shaky breath.

Gale just arched his brow higher.

"I see Rue dying every day. I see Glimmer being stung so much she was twice her size. I see Cato absolutely psychotic, and they won't leave me alone." Her eyes drifted up to his momentarily. "I have nightmares that Peeta dies and I couldn't save him."

She falls to her knees again, and this time she buries her head in her hands because of the shame. As soon as her legs hit the ground she felt a warm hand on her back, slowly making circles. She leaned her body into his, letting her head fall awkwardly onto his thigh, but she didn't care. Tears continued to slip down her face as Gale sat with her.

"You know, Catnip," he said in a gentle voice that was uncommon for him, "I have no idea what you're going through, but I'm here for you."

She blindly reached for his other hand and gave it a squeeze. "That's exactly what I need."

-TBC-

_THE MORE REVIEWS I RECEIVE THE FASTER THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL COME UP. DON'T REVIEW AT YOUR OWN RISK, YOU'RE ONLY DELAYING HAPPINESS._


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: This is the second chapter!_

_Disclaimer: If I owned the Hunger Games most if the guys in the movie would be shirtless and since that didn't happen we must know that I do not own it, however; if you read something in this story that didn't happen in the book or movie it is an original idea and I would appreciate you not taking it._

_Remember: please review! It takes a few seconds and means a lot to me. It helps to motivate me to write more. _

_Enjoy!_

-X-

Her tense fingers clutched the edge of the mat so tightly her knuckles turned white. Her head thrashed side to side. She opened her mouth to scream, but nothing left her. A tear snuck its way out of the corner of her eye and burned a hot trail down her cheek. Her left foot kicked into the air, trying with all her might to keep Cato off of her body; to keep him from killing her.

She was asleep and another nightmare was haunting her.

Cato was pushing her neck back onto the cornucopia attempting to cut off her air supply. She was feeling her brain go fuzzy and her vision was leaving her, but Cato's gaze never left hers. His eyes were eerie; they were glossy and black. Whatever soul he had was drained from him and he was taken over by a demon. A murderous and sadistic demon.

The sun shone off of his marble like eyes, causing a glare into her face. She could feel his hand tightening around her throat; she could almost feel the joy he was feeling rushing through his veins and pulsing against her neck. He curled his fingers in so that his nails were digging into her neck and her skin was splitting slowly; the blood was rising to the surface and it was dripping down the back of her neck. Her lips were quivering; trying so hard to pull air into her dying body.

Her limbs began to shake.

Her fingers and toes were cold because the blood was hardly flowing anymore. Her throat was expanding for another fetal attempt to fill her lungs with life; to keep her going for just another second. Her body was shutting down and she could feel it. She could feel every cell give out and let the other side take her. She could see death's warm embrace ready to take her. Her lips opened one last time; attempting to last a little longer, but instead a scream escaped past her lips and her body jolted awake.

As she bolted upright on the mat that lay in front of the fire; the scream continued and rang throughout the broken down home. The scream was loud and rough; it hurt her throat as it left her body, but it didn't stop. The scream didn't stop as her lungs began to deflate and run out of air. She sucked down more oxygen quickly and the scream continued without much of a gap. Her throat felt raw and tears began to burn down her face. The dream was so real and she didn't feel any sense of relief being awake. Her nightmare continued; only in a different way.

Prim had pushed herself off the mat and whirled around to see Katniss screaming and clutching the mat and the dirt floor. She looked like a madwoman in her sister's eyes; clawing feverishly at the dirt ground while screaming bloody murder at nothing. Their mother appeared in the doorway almost immediately and was Katniss' side just as fast. Her gentle hand touched Katniss on her lower back and as soon as the contact was made Katniss' scream became louder for an instant and then it was over, her terror disappeared for the time being.

"Darling," her mother said in a hush as her wrinkled fingers caressed Katniss' firm cheek.

Katniss' face became hot and red as she realized what just happened. She had lost a hold of her sanity in front of her sister and her mother, she was vulnerable. Her mother's eyes searched hers. Blue peered into brown and Katniss felt her body tense up.

"Why don't we get you some tea?" her mother asked, as if she knew the internal conflict going through Katniss' mind.

Her mother stood slowly and purposefully. She bent down and held Katniss' arms softly as she helped to raise her daughter off of the ground. Without saying a word she wrapped her arms supportively around Katniss and walked her to the makeshift table. Her mother slowly started a fire and wrapped a blanket around Katniss.

"Prim, darling," her mother said sweetly. "Why don't you go stay at the Hawthorne's for the rest of the night and keep this little incident to yourself for the time being? We don't need over concerned friends."

Prim's eyes were wide and glued to Katniss. Not wide with fear, but wide with concern. Out of the corner of her eye Katniss could see the concern radiating off of Prim. She could see in Prim's body language just how badly Prim wanted to be the one to make her tea and hold her tightly, to comfort her. But that was Prim, the empathetic sweetheart. Without a word of protest Prim slipped into a coat and scurried out of the front door and made her way to the Hawthorne's.

Her mother placed a bounty of herbs into a dish and ground them up with her back turned towards Katniss. Katniss appreciated the silence and she knew her mother was doing it on purpose. She knew that her mother knew how she operated even though she was absent for so many years.

"You're just like your father, you know?" her mother said, interrupting her silent train of thought.

Katniss looked up from the table. Her eye lids were heavy, but she never felt more awake with the terror still running through her veins. She was sure she looked like a freight with her hair in a tangle, her eyes red and puffy and her cheeks puffy with tear streaks. She sniffed once and her mother turned around with concern clearly shown on her face. She held the bowl of herbs much tighter than necessary, making her knuckles turn white.

"He would do the same thing," her voice was soft and smooth, like honey. "He would keep everything to himself, thinking he had to be strong for me, for all of us. He wouldn't let me in unless I begged; he feared that being vulnerable with me would make him weak."

Once again her mother's eyes searched hers. Her mother's head cocked to the side, allowing her long blonde hair to fall to the side. Katniss watched as the blonde curls bobbed because of gravity. Her mother's fair skin was wrinkled with age, but she looked the same.

"But Katniss," her mother started again, drawing Katniss out of her daze. "Your father didn't realize that family is here to help with everything and that being vulnerable doesn't make you weak, it makes you strong. It makes you strong because it means you know that you need help and that you're not perfect."

Her mother set a cup of tea, that Katniss didn't know she had already made, in front of her at the table. Her mother rose and walked off to her bedroom, leaving Katniss to her thoughts.

She didn't know if she should trust her mother. She had been gone for so many years, leaving Katniss to provide for Prim and to raise Prim. She didn't know if her mother would leave again and she didn't want to risk it, but she took a sip of tea and let her mind go blank for the first time in years.

-X-

It felt awkward to hug him; his long slender arms around her instead of short muscular ones. He pulled her tight against him and she felt herself slip further away. She wanted to be alone, she wanted to be tucked within herself, but he was there and trying to get closer. He was warm and smelled like pine and dirt, not like sugar and a coal fire. She knew the comparison didn't matter. Gale had been her best friend for years, his arms should feel safe and warm like they always had, but that day they felt restrictive and suffocating.

She kept an unconvincing smile on her face as she pulled away from Gale and said her own hello to him and his family. Prim was gathering what little things she had while Katniss was finishing putting her things into their own little box. Her mother had instructed her that Gale would carry Katniss' things and Katniss would carry the medicines.

"Katniss, dear," a soothing voice cooed her name and she looked over her shoulder to see Hazelle Hawthorne smiling at her. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine, thank you," Katniss gave a courteous nod and smile. "And yourself?"

"Just fine." Hazelle looked deeply into Katniss' eyes. Katniss was tempted to take a step back; she could almost feel Hazelle's concern. Hazelle's face was blank as she looked, and she looked much more like Katniss' mother than Katniss' own mother did. Suddenly a smile spread across Hazelle's face and she turned back to talk to Mrs. Everdeen.

Katniss uncomfortably tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and went back to loading her things into an old fragile box. She carefully folded the dress she wore every year to the reaping. The tucked the fabric in itself like it was the finest silk in the world and needed the greatest care. She laid it on top in the box and stared at it for a few thoughtless moments before standing up right and looking at the mass of people in her tiny home.

She wanted nothing more than to escape the tiny confinements and run. She wanted to run, ran far and fast in the meadow. She wanted to escape Gale, her mother who was now suddenly there for her, Peeta but most of all she wanted to run away from her problems. She shook her head to erase the thought, it was silly to think she could run from problems and it was silly to think about leaving when she had so much to take care of here. She couldn't leave Prim, not a second time.

"Is everyone ready?" Prim asked her voice slightly impatient as she was bouncing on the balls of her feet.

It was clear that she was excited to move, and she would blend right in. Katniss had many thoughts about how her mother and Prim would blend in perfectly in town, but she would be the one who looked out for place for the first time. She would be the one who didn't belong.

She wrapped her arms around herself and closed her eyes for a moment, to build up the courage to leave the home she had known for so long. The home that was only yards away from the fence, the home that had memories with her father. Everything had changed and this home was the only piece of her that felt right, but the capitol had to take that away from her as well. She soon learned after making it out of the arena that no matter how strong willed a person is, or how emotionally unattached they can make themselves, no one wins the games.

"Yea, let's go!" shouted Rory as he was tugging on his mom's long skirt.

With smiles and shouts everyone began to pick up their assigned loads and leave the house. First were the little ones who had the smallest bundles and they bounded down the roads to see who could make it there first. Next were the mothers who had larger piles and walked together reminiscing about the old days and about how things will be much different with the Everdeens gone.

Katniss watched as every person slowly made their way out of the house and she looked around carefully. Not wanting to forget a single thing. She let her hand rest lightly on the dirty wood walls as she made a giant circle in the home. With every turned she made a memory came back to her and she felt her heart drop lower into the pit of her stomach. She wished so badly to stay, to have part of her life stay the same, but she knew the new home would be better for Prim and her mother and she knew that the capitol would never allow a victor to stay in a home that she had. She had no choice.

"Catnip?" she heard a husky voice call out to her.

She jumped a little with surprised and scurried to her box to pick it up. She didn't want Gale to find her and ask her how she was feeling. She had been asked how she was feeling so many times she wanted to scream.

She hurried across the floor and picked up her box off of the kitchen table just as Gale re-entered the home.

"You coming?" he asked with a great big smile on his face.

She wanted to smile back; she felt it was socially appropriate to smile back. She knew it was a joyous occasion for everyone, but for some reason she couldn't bring herself to grin.

"Yeah," she almost sighed as she picked up her box and followed him out of the house.

At first they walked in silence. She glanced at Gale every few moments out of the corner of her eye to see him smiling like an idiot. It made her frown. Usually Gale was on the same page as her. He was realistic and had a family to protect and provide for. She had never seen his face like that, and as much as she knew she should be happy that he was happy, it made her angry. It made her angry that everyone else seemed to be happy and she couldn't be.

"What?" she snapped at his idiotic expression a little too harshly.

She hadn't fazed him for he had seen this side of her one too many times. He knew Katniss was the serious type. He only raised a brow and gave no verbal response.

Her irritation grew.

"What are you smirking at?" she asked again, her tone was less harsh, but more irritated.

He didn't respond or even let her know that he heard her. She knew he had heard her; he was only a foot away from her. He was walking with a bounce in his step, a sparkle in his eye and a grin to big all his teeth were showing and it sent her over the edge.

She set her bow down and pushed him with all her might.

He tipped a little to the side, but didn't fall. His smirk was gone, his bounce was gone but the sparkle was still there.

"I said what Gale!" she yelled with her fists balled up at her side.

She was suddenly ashamed and nervous about her outburst. She should have kept herself under control and she was angry with herself for letting go like that.

"Just happy you're back," Gale said with the smile back on his face.

She looked at her feet and sighed. She was furious with herself for behaving how she did and for letting him see that side of her.

"So-" she began to apologize, but he cut her off.

"You were never one to like attention, Catnip. Why would I be surprised that that you're trying to bully me?" he teased with a big smile on his face.

She was glad that he didn't think she had an outburst and that he saw it as a way fall into his teasing trap. He began to walk away from her, laughing. Hearing his wholehearted laugh made her smile, she felt at home again. But after a few moments of smiling she felt guilt weight on her heart and her smile disappeared.

-X-

"I never thought I would be able to say this, but I need to head to the market to fill our cabinets!" Katniss' mother exclaimed with glee.

Mrs. Everdeen's eyes were searching the house. It was easy to see she felt at home. Katniss watched her mother's hands as they dances gracefully across the fine cabinets and the capitol like appliances. Katniss watched her mother and suddenly felt a pang if hurt. This was more like how her mother lived as a child but gave it all up for her father.

Katniss watched with curiosity as her mother seemed to know the perfect place for everything. She imaged her mother as a young girl opening a full cabinet and being scolded for not putting things back in the correct place. She didn't understand how her mother could give up everything for love. How she could give up everything she owned and her comfortable way of life for a feeling- something that wasn't even sure to last.

After a few minutes of her mother dancing around the first level she turned to look at Hazelle. Katniss could see her mother's kind blue eyes fill with sympathy and hurt. She could see how much she wanted to give to the Hawthorns so they could live the same way, but Katniss knew they way they operated. They wouldn't take anything for free from anyone, not even close friends that were more like family.

"Hazelle," Mrs. Everdeen started. "Won't you please let me treat you just this once down at the market? We have plenty to share…"

"Oh no," Hazelle refused politely. "I couldn't…"

"Please," Katniss interjected. She knew it was silly and she knew that Hazelle wouldn't be able to repay the offer. "It's the least we can do for your family helping us to move, and besides I owe Gale for taking care of my family while I was away."

"You owe me nothing," Gale stated firmly.

"I do too." Katniss glared at him. "You took care of my family; let me take care of yours."

Katniss glared at Gale. He had provided for her family while she was gone, he must let her provide a little for his.

"Alright." Gale nodded "Just this once."

Without much hesitation from Hazelle; Mrs. Everdeen and Mrs. Hawthorne were chatting as they gathered a few woven baskets and made their way out to the market with Prim and the little Hawthorne's on the fresh and warm autumn day.

Katniss watched them through the window as the kids skipped along throwing rocks at each other. Prim would squeal as Rory would chase her. Gale's sister was perched happily on her mother's back while his youngest brother was walking happily next to his mother.

She cocked her head to the side as she watched the two women walk into town. She knew Hazelle would feel out of place, but her mother would comfort her and make her feel alright. She watched for a few more moments before gathering her things and bringing them upstairs to her bedroom of choice. Gale was perched happily on her bed in her fully furnished room.

"Well look at how fancily you'll be living!" he teased.

She rolled her eyes and offered no response to him. A few moments of silence passed while she was putting her things away. She was thinking about how her life changed; about how she could feed every mouth in 12 for years with the money that this house cost. She felt guilty pull at her and Gale didn't help.

"Catnip," Gale started as he stood up. "I'm going to head home for a little bit, I'll be back in about an hour."

"Where are you-" she began but he cut her off.

"You'll see!" and with that she was alone.

-X-

After everything was put in a place she liked, she was still alone and she decided to explore around her new home. She opened every door in her upper floor and made her descend down the stairs when she heard people talking outside. None of them sounded like her family or Gale's.

She made her way to the front window in her living room and looked out the front of it and saw no one. She looked to her left and didn't see anyone, but when she looked to her right she saw Peeta and his family moving into his new victor's village home.

Her breathing became sharp and short. Her throat closed up and her eyes got wide. She watched as his family carried things up the steps and into the home. They were carrying too few boxes for a whole merchant class family to be moving into a new home. She was about to turn around and hide in her home when she saw Peeta leave his home and stand on the front porch.

She watched his face as he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. She had seen that face before. He had done it a lot in the caves. He was thinking about important things, things that he needed to clear his mind for and things he needed time to think about it.

She found herself yearning for his touch again. His hands were so rough and yet soft. He was strong from lifting flour and kneading dough for hours on end, but his skin was soft and free of calluses. His grip was strong and study, not tight and clingy. She closed her eyes and remembered the scent of him. He smelled like a coal fire mixed with sugar and the smallest bit of melted butter.

She found herself pressed up against the glass window watching him with her hand and palm flat against the glass. She peeled herself away and took one last look at Peeta. It was silly to be so entranced with him. They were done. He had made that clear and she had caused him to do so. She knew it was the right choice, they wouldn't work out and she didn't want to hurt him anymore than she already had.

She took a few steps back and tore her eyes away from him. She had to forget him. She had to forget what they had been through, that's what she wanted. She had told him she wanted to forget, and so she had to.

She walked into the kitchen and placed her sweaty palms on the stone counter top. She let the rock cool her hand down and she lifted her hand and watched the outline of her fingers disappear. She placed her pointer finger lightly on the edge of the stone and traced it as she walked slowly around the room. She was pleading with her mind to go blank, but as soon as she was close a thought would enter her. A memory from the arena or a vision of her future as a victor, but that day the thoughts of Peeta wouldn't leave her.

The memory of the way he smelled. The memory of the way his blue eyes turned a blue green color when he was thinking intensely; the way his laugh filled a room and made everyone at ease.

She remembered his interview with Caesar and how easily he had made everyone love and adore him. She was jealous of that ability. She was jealous that Peeta could just open his mouth for a few seconds and everyone melts where if she says something it's usually rude or harsh.

She continued to do laps around her kitchen, making circles and pressing her finger harder into the stone. She didn't know why she was doing it other than to feel something that would take her mind away from Peeta and the pain of being away from him. She never thought it could be so hard to be away from someone, but she had to forget him.

She kept telling herself to forget him, but every time she tried he entered her mind again. The more she tried to forget the more he was there and it frightened her.

She jumped as the front door swung open loudly. Gale walked into the kitchen with a smug look on his face.

"C'mon." He nodded over his shoulder at the front door and turned on his heels to leave.

He didn't wait for her and she was thankful. It gave her a few seconds to compose herself. She put her mental wall up, willing herself to push the thoughts aside for a while. She walked outside onto the front porch when she saw Gale's surprise. Her jaw fell a little and her hand went to cover her mouth.

Gale stood in the road holding her bow with new handmade arrows; however, they weren't just any kind of arrow. They looked exactly like the few she had left that her father had made. Gale had remade them by hand and made her a new pack to carry them in with a hide of an animal he had killed.

"Gale," she sighed with joy.

"I figured we could go hunt for a little, you seem stressed." He smiled.

She bounded down the steps and picked up her bow and then hugged Gale. She felt like the world was right again. She was with her best friend and she had her bow and they were on their way to the fence and then off into the woods. She couldn't wipe the stupid grin off of her face. She turned to pick up the arrows and something caught her eye.

She looked up to see Peeta still standing on his porch, watching her. His eyes were full of hurt as he pushed away from his porch railing and back into his house.

-X-

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